I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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