Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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