; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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