hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
