well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize
