Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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