ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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