i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
