oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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