Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
