i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
