I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
