I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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