I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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