I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
