I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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