Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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