Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
