You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
