She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
