I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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