this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who died my cat blue again?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
