your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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