I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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