sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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