yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
nutella sex= disaster
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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