Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
