I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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