Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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