I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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