just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
