A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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