I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize