she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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