Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
