btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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