All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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