did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They are going to name an STD after you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
