$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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