He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
