just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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