Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
