he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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