what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so let's talk penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
