Your tits are I can't wait for
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
