So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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