Duck Duck Cougar?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
