We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your tits are I can't wait for
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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