you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
