i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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