So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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