my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
