I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize