We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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