i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
