Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
