chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
