I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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