i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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