I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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