my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
